Lessons from Junior High

Are you smarter than a seventh grader?

I believe we tend to learn things over and over again throughout life. 

For example, I knew how to be unselfish when I was 6 years old and had to share my toys.  But then, almost 20 years later, my newborn would cry in the middle of the night wanting to be fed, and all I wanted was to turn over and go back to sleep.  And I learned to be unselfish all over again.  After all, I was playing in the big leagues now, and it was getting harder to be unselfish.

So here are 3 things I learned in junior high that I need to learn some more.

#1- It doesn't matter what they think.  

In junior high, maybe it was a mean girl that didn't like me because my clothes weren't cool enough.  I had to learn to see my value in spite of her negative opinions.  Now I have to learn it again when the opinion is from someone I trust and admire.  Just because someone thinks something about me, it doesn't make that opinion true.  Even when the source of the opinion is a good person.

Here are some examples of serious things I've heard good, intelligent people say:

Working moms work harder than stay-at-home moms.

Any good Mormon woman should have at least 3 kids.

If you would stay busy, you wouldn't get depression.

Kids should have fewer chores than you give your kids.

Your shoes are ugly.

I could go on, but you get the idea.  Not every opinion is a reflection of reality.  Some opinions are even potentially destructive.  Even when the opinions come from someone who usually gives good opinions.  So, I need to borrow a page from my junior high playbook and care a little less about what they think.

#2- Even best friends get in arguments sometimes.  

Fights between friends, especially girls, in the junior high years are very common.  Between the pressure to fit in and emerging hormones, junior high may be the age where friends get in more fights than any other age.  However, in less than a day, the argument has often blown over, and friends can get back to hanging out together.  This is a good thing to remember because the stakes are higher now.  I have a husband and kids that I hope to keep for all eternity.  Any time I am at odds with anyone important to me, it feels like the end of the world.  But it never is. 

People who spend a lot of time together won't always get along all the time.  What is important is the foundation of love and respect that gets us through those times.  I'm not condoning the arguments necessarily, but some stormy times are unavoidable.  And you eventually reach  the sunshine on the other side.  Forgiveness and apologies are necessary ingredients for any relationship.

#3- Don't take yourself too seriously.  

Junior high was a klutzy time for me.  First of all, I grew 7 or 8 inches in a year, so I was all arms and legs and was not very coordinated.  I routinely tripped on things and ran into things.  I also said some stupid things from time to time.  I guess my mouth was klutzy too.  Once or twice a friend of mine would even do the unthinkable and reveal the name of a boy I had a crush on, either to the boy himself or others (gasp!).  There was almost infinite potential for embarrassing situations.  It was during this time more than any other that I had to learn not to take myself too seriously.  This is still good advice.

Sometimes it is not until I am sitting in church that I look down the bench and realize my son is wearing white sports socks with his gray dress pants and black dress shoes.  I don't even want to admit to the times (yes, it has been more than once) that I've picked a kid up at school and noticed that he is wearing the same T-shirt as the day before.  And it is almost a natural law that if I ever dare venture to the grocery store without wearing makeup, I will see at least one person I know pretty well there.  If I place too much importance on being flawless, it makes for a tense, stressful life.  

I have to learn to laugh at myself.  (I am pretty silly sometimes, and some of the situations I get myself into are comedy gold!) No matter how much I would like to, I can't sweat the small stuff.  Sometimes, I can't even sweat the big stuff.  I just have to let go and try again the next time.  And hold onto my sense of humor even (or probably especially) when I want to cry.

So I guess my junior high self has some lessons for my adult self.  The older I get the more I realize I still need to learn.  From time to time I may need to re-evaluate whether I am smarter than a 7th grader.