Rejoice a Little More

During my last pregnancy, I struggled with a lot of nutrient deficiencies, including iron. These chronic deficiencies led to exhaustion, frustration, short (and sometimes long) bouts of feeling depressed, and the longer it went on the harder it became to believe that I was ever going to be happy and productive the way that I used to be happy and productive.  I reminded myself of these hot air balloons.  Originally I was the picture above.  Now I was the one to the right (deflating.... deflating.... deflating!!!! HELP!!!)  My problem stemmed from a physical malfunction so I "should have been" functioning in the mental and emotional area, but I wasn't functioning the way I should. During the last almost five years since the deficiencies started producing their lovely physical, mental, and emotional side effects, let me tell you a few things I learned about joy and how I feel it.

I first started noticing that I wasn't feeling happy after my son was born. I had felt stressed out about different things, sometimes for years, but it was the first time I remember feeling like nothing made me feel happy.

So what is happiness?

I know that sounds stupid, but the definition mattered to me because everyone around me, all the TV shows I watched, and all the ads told me that I should be happy. But happiness as the TV shows and ads described was something akin to "feeling good" or as the dictionary points out "being fortunate or lucky". No wonder I wasn't feeling happy. Between my three children, I was getting up anywhere from 3-10 times a night, we were dealing with testing for my stepson (who was later diagnosed with ADHD), my husband was working full time and going to college, we were having random problems with his ex-wife, I was trying to finish my Bachelor's and on top of this we add what could be deemed the regular stressors in my life, laundry, cleaning, bills, regular parenting, etc. I did not feel fortunate. I did not feel lucky. I did not feel good.

What changed?

There are many things that brought about a change in the last five years. A lot of those extra stressors have been resolved (maybe replaced by others but essentially removed). But what really changed was me. My thoughts changed, my habits changed, and eventually that changed my outlook.

What specific things did I change? 

1. I changed my definition of happiness. I no longer define happiness as feeling fortunate. By that definition, it is too easy for me personally to get caught up in "keeping up with the Joneses" mentality and therefore feeling like I am not fortunate or lucky because I am comparing myself to others. I know some people will consider my definition a case of semantics compared to the other definition, and it may be, but what I consider happiness now is the feeling of peace, the feeling of contentment, and the feeling of having faith and hope. In the Bible we are told that the Lord does not give as the world gives us. This made me realize that things will not always go my way (no duh?) and that I don't actually need them to. I will have to sacrifice for others or for my own future, there will be times when I am tired, even exhausted, physically and emotionally and even if I don't feel lucky, I can still feel hope for what is to come and content with what is now.

2. When I read my scriptures, I took yellow and marked every passage I came across that talked about joy, gratitude, and praising God. This not only helped me to change my definition of happiness and joy to come closer to what I feel like is God's definition, but it also helped me to recognize how comparatively small some of the things were that made people happy when you think about what they were still going through. For instance, in the Book of Mormon, Lehi and his family are traveling in the wilderness and he sends his sons back to Jerusalem to get the brass plates. When his sons come back unharmed and having fulfilled what they were sent to do, Lehi builds an altar and gives praises to the Lord. This is after they have left their homes, all of their riches, they don't know where they're going, and they don't know where they will end up. But his sons have returned unharmed, and that's cause for joy and for him to praise Heavenly Father, who by the way is still asking, and will continue to ask, very hard things of him and his family for years before they see the fruits of their labors (ie entering the promised land).  Lesson for me: Hard things don't have to be resolved for you to feel content, hopeful, and grateful (ie happy) for seemingly small blessings, aptly named by Nephi the tender mercies of the Lord.

3. I started using joyous, thankful, grateful, or happy words in my every day language whenever they were appropriate to the situation, even if I didn't necessarily "feel" it. Now some of you may consider this deceitful of me, but I felt like it was something that helped me and especially my relationship with my children. When my husband would bring my son to me in the mornings, I felt so tired. The only thing that would run through my mind was "I wish I could get some more sleep and I could if YOU (meaning my son) would only sleep more". So instead of voicing that thought or any other variation of it, I would say in the happiest voice I could ( which was admittedly happier sounding some mornings than others) "good morning my boy I'm so happy you're awake". I didn't feel like my 6 month old son needed to know or hear or feel that his mom was having such a hard time that she couldn't even muster up enthusiasm for him in the morning. So I faked it until I made it.

4. I did what I could do for my health. Because of how long I had had the deficiencies by the time I started treating them,  it took a very long time for my body to rebuild the reserves and for me to stop having physical symptoms. But each day, or each month or each year I felt like I learned a little bit more about my body so that I could get even better. One month I started drinking the amount of water that I am actually supposed to have, and I did it until I was doing it every single day. And I still do it.  One month I learned that breakfast cereal has a lot of the daily recommendation for iron in it, so I started eating at least a small bowl every day. Every little thing brought me into better health, and therefore feeling better physically, and I needed that.

5. Last thing I will mention (although there were many more things I have changed), I came across a quote from President Howard W. Hunter that has become my daily goal, it says "Rejoice a little more, despair a little less." My next goal is to put it on a sign for above my door so that I see it each day as I leave the house because I need the daily and sometimes hourly reminder. "Rejoice a little more" for our Lord is King and He will reign on earth once more, and in the end that is really all that will matter.