Step by Step

This summer my husband and I had the wonderful opportunity to serve as a "Ma and Pa" with a group of youth as a "family" while we participated in a pioneer Trek experience in eastern Washington.  The Trek lasted 4 days and we pulled handcarts (miniature wagons pulled by hand instead of using horses or oxen) containing all our gear.  We trekked about 20 miles over the course of 3 days.  I appreciate the Trek leaders making a journal for us to keep on the trail in which to record the events of each day as well as lessons learned.  I want to share an experience recorded in that Trek journal that I think is applicable to life.

On Day 2, we had a long, hot, exhausting day of trekking.  We had just climbed the really hard hill pulling the Austin’s (another family's) handcart up before they were going to return down the hill to help us pull ours.  As we reached the top of the hill, we discovered that, instead of an easy downhill grade into base camp as we had been told, we actually had two more difficult, sandy hills to climb with cross-land trekking in between before we reached base camp and dinner.  At that point, my Trek family momentarily lost heart and began to fear and despair at what they still had to do.  They had just witnessed a scary bout of heat exhaustion hit a girl in the family behind us and watched as the medical staff worked for over 1/2 hour to bring her body temperature down before having to transport her off the mountain.  They had trekked over 10 miles already that day and just pushed a cart up a really steep hill, barely making the ascent, knowing they had to climb that hill again with their own cart.  And they saw more and more hills they would still have to climb before the end, in addition to feeling hot and tired and sick themselves.  Plus, our water supplies were low, most without any water at all in their water bottles with no idea when more water would be available.  They were overwhelmed and wanted to sit down and just give up... or cry... or both.

At that moment, the Holy Ghost sent a remembrance into my mind of a story Elder D. Todd Christofferson shared about his mother undergoing radiation treatments for cancer in the 1950s.  The treatments would leave her sick and weak for days.  One day as she prepared to go with her own mother to her treatment, thinking of the exhaustion and weakness and nausea she would have to face over the weeks and months ahead, she broke down in tears and told her mother she couldn’t do it anymore, she couldn’t go to 16 more treatments. 
Her mother wisely asked her, “Can you go today?”
Sister Christofferson replied, “Yes.”
“Well, honey,” her mother said, “that’s all you have to do today.”
I shared with the youth that sometimes we’re overwhelmed by looking too far into the future about what we will be required to do, when what we need to do is just focus on the task at hand and make it through that task.  Then we can move to the next task, one-by-one, step-by-step.  And that’s how we needed to approach those hills, one at a time, task by task, until we reached our destination.

Thank goodness they were receptive to the Spirit, gathered themselves, and proceeded down the difficult, steep, sandy hill to climb it again with our handcart.  We finished strong that evening by taking each task as it came and thereby not being emotionally and mentally and physically overwhelmed.  We made it to base camp.  Dinner never tasted so good!

These lessons learned I would need to use the very next day on the Women's Pull... but that is another story. :)

Throughout this experience and others of Trek, I learned to never give up.  Sometimes you need to take a rest before you can keep going, sometimes you need to move at a slower pace, sometimes you need help from others to move forward on your journey, sometimes you need to take it step by step.  But never, never give up!  I often had the words of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland running through my mind from his General Conference talk entitled An High Priest of Good Things to Come, “Don’t you give up… Don’t you quit. You keep walking.  You keep trying.  There is health and happiness ahead… It will be alright in the end.  Trust God and believe in good things to come.”
I know that God is good, that He loves us, that we need to just press forward in faith and that it definitely will be alright in the end.  If it’s not alright, it’s not the end.  Believe in good things to come! :)

Are you Counseling the Lord?

This summer we had my stepson with us.  Life is very different at his mom's house, and so we struggle sometimes to get in sync with each other again.  One thing that came up while he was here is that there are many times that I handle things differently than his mom would because I have several children in my household at one time while his mom only has one (him).  There were several times when he would try to tell me that his way (or his mom's way) were better than my way even though he wasn't looking at it from anyone's perspective but his own.  It was a frustrating thing to hear from him, but a few weeks later I was reading in Jacob 4:10 and came across this wonderful little scripture, " Wherefore, brethren, seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand."  After a summer full of hearing a child tell me from his limited perspective that I, the parent, should change the way I was doing something, this really resonated with me.

In what ways are we, the children with the limited perspective, counseling the Lord instead of taking counsel from His hand?

1) I have recently been fretting over a decision that I had made.  Honestly, I don't know that it matters one way or the other what I decide, and the decision is far enough in the future that my decision my not matter anyway because other circumstances may come up and change the situation before then.  However, when I read through this verse in Jacob, I wondered if I had been counseling the Lord when I had been praying about it.  You see, instead of praying for counsel from the Lord about what I should be doing, or helping me to know the right path, or helping me to prepare myself for whatever outcome the Lord saw fit to give me, I had been praying for the outcome that I wanted.  Even though I had been throwing in the phrase "Thy will be done", I wondered how much I had really wanted His will to be done and how much I had really been praying with the intent that what I wanted should happen.  Knowing the intent with which we pray, praying for counsel and guidance, and honestly seeking the Lord's will are all ways that we take counsel from the Lord instead of turning our prayers into us counseling the Lord.

2) Another way that has recently been apparent in my life that we could be counseling the Lord instead of taking counsel from Him is in our acceptance of callings.  When we are called to a specific calling do we refuse it because we don't think it fits us? Is it too boring?  Something we're not good at?  I know that sometimes our life is in turmoil, or that we are having trials that our leaders are not aware of, but do we let our leaders know our concerns and then trust the answer that they receive and we receive from the Lord?  Or do we insist that we know that this calling could not possibly help us in the trial that we are having? If we truly want to counsel with the Lord, even when we have concerns about the calling, we will pray to see what the Lord is saying to us about the calling and the affect that it could have on our life.

3) Another way that has come up in my life recently is whether there is criticism of how things are run at the ward, stake, regional, etc levels.  I am not suggesting that our leaders are infallible, they are human after all.  But if we have an automatic adverse reaction to something (or everything) we are asked to do, or a program that a leader is prompted to put into place, or a challenge that our Bishop or Stake President gives to us, perhaps we are counseling the Lord instead of taking counsel from His hand.

The end of this scripture reminds me how much the Lord really is looking out for each of us.  It says "For behold, ye yourselves know that [the Lord] counseleth in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy, over all his works" (emphasis added).  Just as we as parents look after (to the best of our ability) the needs and wants of ALL of our children, the Lord is looking at the needs and wants of ALL of his children.  So seek not to counsel Him. He's looking at everyone and is helping ALL of us as we seek His counsel and come closer to Him.

Primary Sacrament Meeting Program 2016

I was in charge of writing the primary program for my primary this year.  Since I did all the work of writing the program, I thought I'd share my program so that anyone else can adapt it for their ward if they want to do so.

We have a pretty big primary, so most of our age groups have 2 classes.  The only age groups with only one class are CTR 5 and Sunbeams.  So I was able to have one class present each month's topic, and it worked out almost perfectly.  I have the older children (Valiant 10 and 11 girls and boys) introducing most of the topics, and then the younger children each have a short part going into more depth about each topic.  Because we have such a large primary, I only included 9 songs---just to be sure our program didn't go too long.  So, sometimes, there are two classes presenting between each song.

In every primary, there are some children who don't always come to church.  If there are children who might not come to the program, I'd suggest giving them parts that can be either included or deleted and it won't make too much of a difference either way.  That way the program will go smoothly whether they can make it to church or not.  That way, it can be a good experience whatever happens.

Click on the link below to download the Primary Sacrament Meeting Program.

Primary Program 2016

5 Ways to Pass on a Heritage of Reading

There are many ways we can pass on our heritage to our kids.  One of my favorites from my own family has been passing on my heritage of reading.  As I was growing up, my mom taught all of us to read before we went to school.  She had 11 kids, but somehow she found the time to teach all of us this important skill.  And we went to the library regularly to check out books to read.  And probably most important was the fact that our home was filled with books of every kind, from fiction to textbooks.

My dad's mom was also a big part of the reason I love to read.  In a life history that she wrote about herself, she says, " Reading was always just there; I'm not sure when I learned."  To me, that describes the legacy she passed on---that reading is just there, just a part of life for us.  It's almost as basic as breathing or walking.  She bought us books quite often, and her home was filled with books and magazines in practically every room.  There was never a shortage of reading material.

This is something I have decided to pass on to my own kids.  I've always felt that once you've learned to read, you can learn anything in the world.  So to me, giving your kids the gift of reading is like giving them the world.

So, I've compiled a list of ways that I have tried to do this.  And without further ado, here are 5 ways you can give your kids the world by passing on a love of reading.

# 1: Teach your kids reading skills.  So far, I've been successful at teaching each of kids to read before they go to school, and I've been very grateful for this.  One reason is that some of my kids are extremely distract-able, and most classrooms are really busy environments.  I've always been afraid that they might not ever learn to read if they had to do it in such a distraction-filled environment.  But even for those who don't take such a huge role in teaching, I think it's important for parents to help their kids learn new words and practice reading skills with them.

#2: Take them to the library and/or fill your house with books.  One of the most important things in helping kids become successful readers is to give them enough reading material.  I remember first reading the Chronicles of Narnia at my grandma's house during the summer, and it was a wonderful way she passed her love of good literature to us--by having good books around for us to read.  Our own home also had plenty of good books.  I have continued this tradition with a library in our house.  I have made sure to have plenty of good fiction, and I also have plenty of nonfiction: biographies, textbooks, etc.

#3: Read to your children.  My mom regularly read to us even after we were old enough to read for ourselves.  I can remember clearly hearing her read Ten Kids, No Pets, The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, and  Cheaper By the Dozen.  On long road trips, I have kept this tradition up by reading the Harry Potter books aloud for hours until my voice gives out.

#4: Let your kids catch you reading.  Nothing teaches like example, so let your kids see you reading.  Choose good books because, take it from me, they will eventually want to read whatever you are reading.  That is how my kids got interested in Harry Potter, Narnia, and Fablehaven---from seeing me read the books.  And I wanted to read A Girl of the Limberlost and The Work and The Glory series because I saw my mom reading them.

#5: Read the scriptures with them.  If you want your kids vocabulary skills to grow, read the scriptures with them.  I have found nothing that improves kids' vocabulary more quickly than introducing them to the words of the scriptures.  Of course, there are other benefits as well, but this is one that might be the most unexpected.

I want to close with a quote about my ancestor William Flint.  "He was an avid reader, and read everything he could find or buy to read.  He knew the Bible almost by heart.  He read biographies, history,  and the classics.  He subscribed to and read four newspapers."  This is the type of person I aspire to be and the legacy I want to give to my children.

Let Go and Let in the Sunshine

One thing I have been working on lately is learning to let things go.

Now that I have you singing a popular princess song in your head, let me explain.  I have a personality trait that can either be good or bad depending on the situation.  It is a tendency to think long and hard about things other people rarely give a second thought to. 

This can be a good thing because I come up with ideas and thoughts that are original.  I also tended to learn things really well in school and understood complex concepts that were hard for some people.

Unfortunately, sometimes it is a very negative thing.  That's because my imagination and memory sometimes get the better of me.  I have a rich inner life, but as with all strengths, it can also be an Achilles heel. 

I tend to remember things that happened to me really well when they are associated with strong emotion, which means I sometimes find myself holding grudges and judging people harshly.  I also tend to have a very vivid imagination, which means I sometimes find myself thinking up every possible bad outcome of a situation and worrying myself sick. 

In other words, the downside to thinking is over-thinking.  And I am guilty of over-thinking quite frequently.   Too often I find myself getting so caught up in negative thoughts about the past or future, that I can't seem to enjoy the beauty of the present.

So here's a list of things I've read or heard that should help me let things go.  Unfortunately, I don't have references for these because they are the result of a lot of reading, talking, and thinking over a long period of time.  They have all taken root subtly, and I don't know exactly whom to give credit for these.

1.  Realize that forgiving is not the same thing as condoning what happened.  In other words, I can let something go even if it was unacceptable and I'm not okay with it.  I'm not saying it's okay if it happens again just because I refuse to let thoughts of past hurts poison present happiness.

2.  Have a balanced view of things.  Sometimes I try to be realistic and don't see that I'm just being negative.  Pessimism is not the same thing as realism.  Even if I'm afraid to be too optimistic, the least I can do is not err too much on the side of being negative.

3.  Turn it over to God.  The whole point of the Atonement is that things that are not okay can be made okay through the Savior's sacrifice.  God can make the future a success even when my best efforts fall short.  So I can trust him to take care of things instead of thinking I have to do everything on my own.  I don't have to make myself crazy trying to take care of everything myself.  It's not my job to take care of everything; it's his.

4.  Lastly, give myself space to be human.  Sometimes things are hard to let go simply because I'm putting so much pressure on myself to let go.  When I don't give myself a little space to be upset or be worried just a little bit, I sometimes get stuck and can't move past it.  As long as I keep in mind that letting go is the ultimate goal, it's okay to let that process happen at pace I can actually be successful in and not try to force it too early.  I can fall apart just a little at first as long as I move on afterward.

So, good luck to me and to any of you who are working on letting things go.  Let's quit living in a world of negative thoughts and open our eyes to the sunshine around us.  

Counsel Together

In April 2016 General Conference, Elder Ballard advised us

"I know councils are the Lord’s way and that He created all things in the universe through a heavenly council, as mentioned in the holy scripture."

He then went on to counsel us that we should set up four different types of family councils in our home, the entire family, the executive council, a limited family, and a one-on-one family council.  

I found this talk extremely interesting because over nine years ago at the beginning of our marriage, my husband suggested that we start a couples council, or as Elder Ballard called it an executive council.  And I being the extremely wonderful wife that I am, proceeded to give him a look of disbelief as he explained that they do a companionship council on the mission and he really thought it would be a great time to discuss whatever needed to be discussed, to talk about problems that might be occurring, and to just come together in a good, healthy way. I did not understand the need for such a thing and while I didn't refuse to participate, I sure didn't help him or support him.  Being newly married, we talked all the time and discussed such a variety of topics that I couldn't imagine what else we would possibly do or discuss during this couples council.

After a few years, and a couple of kids, I began to realize that the suggestion to get into a habit of a couple's council was not such a weird, crazy idea and that between the needs of the kids and the demands of every other thing that we were doing, having already had a habit of this council would have been extremely useful to us.  As a result, we have struggled to put in place, struggled to keep it in place, and struggled to find a time for it in our busy schedule, but we have also found that this time of us counseling together has been indispensable and that we have grown together in ways that I think would have otherwise taken us years.  So here's a few suggestions on how to start your own couples council, if you haven't, or if you have, here are a few things that we have found that work in our own time of council.

1.  We set aside a specific time every week and try to keep it in a manageable time frame (such as a half hour to an hour) because we still have plenty of other demands that capture our time and attention.  In order to do this, we have allotted 5 minutes of time to each category that we talk about.  Sometimes we go over this 5 minute allotment.  Sometimes we set aside another time to talk about it later in the week because we don't have the time right that second.  Depending on what the topic is and how sensitive it is, that time could vary from driving in the car with the kids on our way somewhere to talking during our date night to picking a night after the younger kids are in bed to go to our room and finish the discussion.  But we really try to keep the entire council to under an hour.

2. We have specific categories that we talk about each time.  We have divided ours into schedule, budget, marriage, family, personal/school/work/business, and we recently added a service category.  

SCHEDULE - During our schedule time we both pull out our personal planners and talk about our upcoming week or month, if we have time.  We talk about anything that might affect the other person and their schedule, or anything that we think they would want to know about (ie I am currently pregnant so I tell my husband when my appointments are even though I know he can't make most of them).

BUDGET-  Since we don't have a written budget (on our list of goals to do), during our budget time right now we talk about upcoming expenses which can be as small as my husband needing work clothes to upcoming car registrations to as large as the insurance deductible for our upcoming baby.  This is also the time when either one of us can bring up something that we want and we put it on the list of things to work towards (in years past this has included laptop, HDTV, tablet, passes to Wet'n'Wild, tint on the windows of the car, etc).  We also look at our year long goals quarterly or semi-annually to see how we are doing towards those and if any of them have changed because of circumstances changing.  It can also be a time to see where each thing sits on the other person's list of priorities.  This has been eye opening for us at different times when we seem to be struggling or fighting over money, sometimes it has come down to one of us considering something a much higher priority and finding a way to reconcile that with the other person's priorities.

MARRIAGE - When we originally started doing a council, a lot of this 5 minutes (that usually turned into 20-30 or more) we spent talking about issues that one of us had with the other or problems that we had been having as a couple.  Over the time of doing this together, we have set a few weekly goals that have really seemed to help us to better connect and spend that time in a better way.  Right now, we keep track of how many times we prayed, read scriptures, whether we had a date night, how often we are being physically intimate, and whether we had our 5 minute check in phone call each day.  We have found that if we are struggling to connect with each other or are picking at each other more, especially over small things, that one of these has been ignored, and since we have been "tracking" these, we have found that its generally the same thing that has been ignored for several weeks and therefore needs special attention in the upcoming week. 

FAMILY - This is the time for us to talk about each of our kids and their wants and needs, we also talk about chore charts, FHE, family scripture, our morning & evening routines, our children's "allowances", etc as needed.

PERSONAL/SCHOOL/WORK/BUSINESS - This kind of became our catch all, if one of us is having a personal struggle or triumph that they want to share, here is the place.  When we were both going to school this is when we talked about upcoming tests, study needs, and how grades were going.  We also talk about work needs that my husband has, and because he wants to open his own business we also talk about ideas, funding, etc.

SERVICE - We started this category because we both have expressed that we want to be more involved in our church and communities, and to have our children be involved with us.  So here is where we talk about other people that we notice in our families, ward, or community that we know are struggling.  Sometimes the only thing we can do is put them on our "prayer list" of sorts where we make sure that in our personal prayers we are praying for them.  Sometimes they are the people that we decide to fast for in the upcoming month.  Sometimes we are able to do some real service where we go in and help in their homes or with a small treat or a meal for them or their family.  This is also where we plan our home teaching and visiting teaching times, helping to clean the church building, feeding the missionaries, or any of the other opportunities that we have to serve.

3. We take notes of the things that we talk about at the council.  We use one line for each category and the notes are usually not very detailed because the hope and plan is that you will be getting back together in one week's time and won't forget most of it.  Mostly the notes are there to either track how we are doing, or they are there to remind us of what we talked about.  I was going to take a picture of our notes but realized that we had too many personal things written so here is a typed version of what my notes look like from yesterday.

July 17, 2016
1. Schedule (written in personal planners)
2. Budget - (written list of the upcoming expenses or windfalls)
3. Marriage - couple prayer 7/7(how many times we did it over how many days in the week or our goal), couple scripture 7/7, date 1/1, 5 minute phone call 5/5 (and just as a side note, this was an unusual week, we usually look more like 2/7, 2/7, 0/1, and 3/5)
4. Family - chore charts, make FHE chart, morning and evening routine (these were our current things to check in on)
5. Personal/School/Work/Business (we had no notes this week because neither of us had anything to discuss under this topic)
6. Service - prayers- (list of people we want to remember to pray for), service opportunities for this week - clean building on Saturday, schedule HT & VT, indexing

That's all the longer the notes are, and are really just to remember what we talk about from week to week.  Not super detailed and not meant to be, but we do have a special notebook for them so we don't misplace them or have to search through anything for them.

4. No matter how many times we have skipped, we always keep trying to put it back in place.  For the last two years, our church was from 1-4 and this gave us plenty of time before church to do our couples council and then to get ready for church and as a result, I think we only missed 4 or 5 Sundays in the entire year.  Enter 11-2 church this past January and we have had council 2-3 weeks and then skipped 6 weeks, and this has been our consistent schedule for the last 7 months because we can't seem to find a consistently good time for us.  Hopefully the upcoming six months are better for us.  But really, always keep trying to put it back in place because it helps you and your spouse to come together and work together as a team.

My final thoughts are really just quotes from some of our prophets.  Elder Ballard's closing words included this counsel to us, "Now, brothers and sisters, there was a time when the walls of our homes provided all the defense we needed against outside intrusions and influences. We locked the doors, closed the windows; we shut the gates; and we felt safe, secure, and protected in our own little refuge from the outside world.
Those days are now gone. The physical walls, doors, fences, and gates of our homes cannot prevent unseen invasion from the Internet, the Wi-Fi, the mobile phones, the networks. They can penetrate our homes with just a few clicks and keystrokes.
Fortunately, the Lord has provided a way to counter the invasion of negative technology that can distract us from spending quality time with each other. He has done this by providing the council system to strengthen, protect, safeguard, and nurture our most precious relationships."

And finally, 2 Nephi 1:21 says "...be determined in one mind and in one heart, united in all things..."

Let your soul delight in fatness...

I absolutely LOVE a local restaurant's delectable dessert called "The Magic Mountain."

And it is magical!

Home-made caramelly praline and gooey dark chocolate brownie topped with french vanilla ice cream and drizzled with more caramel, fudge, and whipped cream in a waffle cone.  Ahhhhh....

It. is. D.E.L.I.C.I.O.U.S!!!!

I'm salivating just thinking about all that rich, chewy, scrumptious goodness.

And, yet... I feel a bit of melancholy, knowing that if I choose to drive down to that restaurant, order that dessert, and savor every bite of that oh-so-yummy delight... I will be in pain a few hours later.  It might just be a little pain: a bit of bloating, a bit of fulness in my gut, a bit of cramping in my lower abdomen.  Enough to make me hurt but not enough to make me never think about ordering it again.

Or it could be severely painful: cramping so badly that I'm writhing around on the bed either curled up in the fetal position or laying prostrate trying to stretch out my torso area enough to accommodate what feels like a giant hot air balloon filling my abdomen.  So painful that I'm willing to give up some of my favorite foods... FOREVER... just so I don't have to experience that kind of hurting again.

I never know which it will be.  I've had intestinal problems for years.  I haven't been able to totally figure out the cause or the triggers because they seem to be so inconsistent.  And no amount of doctors and their tests or experiments of my own have been able to find a cure or a cause... so far.  Sometimes I'll go through long stretches of painful episodes that occur daily for weeks and I begin to wish I didn't have to eat at all... just so that I wouldn't hurt anymore.  I begin to worry about every little thing I eat, unsure what the consequences of eating that particular food might be, hoping to spend just one night without pain.

I guess that's why this scripture resonates so soundly with me:
"Wherefore, do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy.  Hearken diligently unto me, and remember the words which I have spoken; and come unto the Holy One of Israel, and feast upon that which perisheth not, neither can be corrupted, and let your soul delight in fatness."    ~ 2 Nephi 9:15

So many phrases in this passage are meaningful to me, but I want to focus on just those highlighted: "feast upon that which perisheth not, neither can be corrupted."  Perhaps it's due to my chronic digestive irritability, but the thought conveyed by feasting upon something that would bring satisfaction, comfort and joy without ANY worry of it bringing future distress or upset is particularly appealing to me.

I can scarcely imagine what that would be like.

No worry.  No pain.  No suffering.  No regret.

I (we) can feast upon the gospel without ANY of those things.
We can feast as much as we like.
In fact, we are counseled to let our souls "delight in [the] fatness" of it.

Think of that.  Delighting in the fatness of it.  As women in today's society I think we have NEVER let ourselves delight in the fatness of anything!

And yet, I really like the sentiment the phrase "delight in fatness" conveys when applied to those things that ARE of worth and that CAN satisfy.  To me, the fatness is the richness, the fulness, the absolute soul-filling joy that only worthwhile pursuits and experiences can bring.

I try to remind myself of that phrase in those moments when I feel touched by the Spirit or feel my testimony growing or feel loved by my Heavenly Father or am enjoying a wonderful moment with my husband, children, siblings, or parents.  To drink in the fulness of those moments and to savor them, to delight in the fatness of them is indeed VERY satisfying to the soul!

No worry.
No regret.

Just delight.